MS Warrior Update:

I know, I’m sorry. It’s been a while. I’ve been going through some personal stuff. Haven’t we all, though? Anyway, I’m here, still alive & kickin’. I’m here today to update you on my latest treatment plan.

PCP Trying a New Treatment

I have been in serious physical pain lately due to the MS, mainly in my legs. It’s mostly nerve pain, but there has been a lot of inflammation lately, too, that is causing weakness and pain. This is also been going in my arms, but not as bad. A couple of weeks ago, my primary care, C, decided not to make me wait for treatment for the MS while I am on deck to get the MRIs and see the neurologist soon.

C gave me a two-day series of injections of 500mg of solu-medrol, a steroid, in each hip. She did two days for two reasons: to see if it helped and because that is all the steroids she had on hand in her office. The steroids did help reduce the pain minimally. We decided to move forward with the MS treatment she could do with her limited permissions.

Gotta Be Careful…

Normally, C would just prescribe me oral steroids for me to take over the course of seven days for my MS pain. However, I cannot take oral steroids, or any steroids, for that matter. Because of my mental illnesses, specifically the schizoaffective disorder, steroids make me just a touch more crazy than normal. Ok, a lot more crazy.

When I take oral steroids in particular they make me super manic. I mean like bouncing off the walls manic. No sleep, dangerously impulsive, and extremely unpredictable. I am totally out of control for at least a few days after I stop taking the medication. Very much not okay. Injectable steroids have less of an effect. There are times when I tend to be more speedy than normal, but at least I get a little bit of sleep (2-4 hours a night) and am more manageable. My anxiety is a lot higher than normal, however. IV steroids have even less of an effect. None of this makes any sense, but twenty years of experience dealing with my mental illness has taught my husband and me what to watch out for.

Cross Yer Fingahs!

So injectable medication it is. I have a standing appointment every day this week with my provider’s medical assistant to get a shot in each butt cheek. Yay. Hopefully, the steroids will help and this MS Warrior, speedy though I may be, will be able to get some relief and rest. I’ll keep you posted.

Sidenote!

A little sidebar: I have been whining to my husband the past few days that it is totally unfair that I have to deal with MS. I mean, isn’t having three severe mental illnesses enough? Schizoaffective disorder, borderline personality disorder (BPD), and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) are enough for three people to handle, let alone for one person all on her own. I really don’t like being crazy. The last 20 years were spent trying to stay stable and sane so that I didn’t lose my immediate family.

Some friends and family members are already isolated, burned out, and long gone. I’ve lost them forever. It’s a price I’ve paid for not handling my shit well. I have been in and out of therapy for 20 years trying to figure out how to do this. Just when I think I’ve got the hang of it – boom! MS. Totally unfair that I have to learn how to deal with another major life-altering disease without isolating what is left of my relationships, not to mention the physical and mental toll it will have on me. Not cool.

Wisdom of the Tarot

So when I pulled my personal tarot card of the day, the 10 of Swords came up. So not okay. The 10 of Swords is all about pain, misery, ruin. Yeah, got that, thanks. Don’t really need any more. As I said, I’ve got my normal bullshit to deal with, and then I’ve been going through a lot of personal stuff lately. Then I looked into the meaning a little deeper. It can also mean that this is the worst it is going to get. Things are bad, no doubt. My previous hopes and dreams may be gone forever, but new ones will develop. I can look forward to a new path because I can leave all this behind me. I can hang with that. So, the 10 of Swords does not have to mean destruction. Like anything, if you look beyond the surface you may find something new and promising.

Keep the Faith

I will be posting some of the backstory to my Wayward Witchy MS Journey, but right now I am just trying to stay current. Next on deck: MRIs from crown to tailbone, including the brain, with and without contrast next week. It’s a four and half hour MRI, but thankfully I will be under anesthesia because I am that claustrophobic. Stay strong fellow MS Warriors, and stay safe. Many blessings to all those who have taken the time to journey with me. May the Goddess hold you securely in her arms and keep you safe and warm.

Until next time…